It seems a long while since I last posted and it has I guess. So much has happened, so much has changed, so much has stayed the same. There are days I wish I had just slept through and days I am so glad I didn't, like today.

Last weekend we had our first estate sale. The beginning of liquidating our household items. Those things that we can't take with us in our motor home. It was both a cleansing and disturbing experience as you might imagine. Hundreds of people wondering through your home, rummaging through your belongings bartering for a cheaper price on something you feel is priceless. Then realizing that after all the years of dusting and moving that priceless thing you don't have to dust it or move it any more. Priceless.

By the third day we were pretty well cleaned out of the big stuff like the dryer in my laundry room and the washer dryer combo upstairs. I was so grateful I still had the washer and then I realized that carrying baskets of laundry out to the clothes line was not optimal, nor was schlepping baskets of wet clothes to the laundromat. I told my husband and the lady in charge of the sale it was a bad idea. However the couple who bought the refrigerator aren't taking it till we leave and we haven't sold the stove yet. Sliver linings all over the place.

Today we sold a piece that belonged to this old house, a Pier mirror that was built for the wall that it hung on for most the last 175 years. I am very sad that this magnificent piece has been separated from it's home. Today I wanted to sleep all day. I was pretty upset earlier in the day about this and penned a few lines so I could capture those feelings of the moment. As I began to type this entry I looked out the window and realized why it was I had gotten up this sad morning.

Almost 30 years ago we dug a pond in the side yard and over the years it has grown and developed its own eco system as ponds do. The one thing we never had were ducks or geese that made their home here, probably because there ere always so many kids and animals. Then about 3 or 4 years ago two Canada Geese and a pair of Mallard Ducks decided to make their home with us.

Though we were sure the geese were nesting we never saw any evidence of babies even though I would see them on other ponds in the area. This year I decided they must be infertile. Then this morning as I began this post there they were Mama, Daddy and 4 goslings walking along the edge of the pond! Needless to say I had to look twice but sure enough they were definitely real.

As sad as all this moving away, selling my 'stuff' is I'm finding little joys, little reminders, little memories of things forgotten. Last week as my belongings were leaving my house with strangers I felt that my life was leaving with them, maybe part of it was. But as the days move forward and the planning moves forward new expectations grow, new hopes develop, new life replaces the old life.

The old life lives on in our children, our grandchildren, in that special tree we planted. In our heirlooms, our photographs, in our memories and in our hearts. But life is always changing growing, moving forward, usually or sometimes, we can direct it's path but other times we just have to follow where it takes us. Life is an adventure at times it seems boring or mundane, or just too sad until you look out the window.

It's Spring!

Well it has been a long winter. I've been off line for the last few months and feel like I've been cut off from the rest of the world. So much has changed so much has happened. Financial struggles and tough choices, health issues and interesting findings have caused me to emerge this spring more hopeful, more focused, more determined, and more energetic.

A little background; I'm the mother of 8, six biological, one adopted and one step son. I worked as a foster parent for several years and in other jobs in the human services field. In June of 2004 I injured my back and have not recovered. I have been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and between the two I have not been very active, but have tried to not be defeated by the pain and depression. Well, last fall I was having more and more trouble walking, I almost felt like I was just curling up into myself. I went to the Dr. , blood tests revealed a severe vitamin D deficiency. After a few weeks of vitamin therapy I felt wonderful! I even stopped taking antidepressants. My new found sense of well being was short lived as I began experiencing unusual aching and pain in my arms my legs chest, and back. A trip to the Rheumatoligist led to the discovery of Fibromyalgia. Yea! Thank God for Lyrica. My energy increased dramatically

and the pain disappeared. So now I am left with only the pain from a degenerating back. This I can manage.

As the country began to struggle with the housing market crashing and all that followed we also began to struggle financially. The hopelessness of not being able meet our obligations was overwhelming. We made some tough decisions and and took the steps needed to move forward. We have to give up most of what we own. Our home will be a motor home, so space is limited.

As difficult as this winter has been and as painful as it was both physically and emotionally, I feel I have emerged healthier, happier, freer, and more in control of my own destiny than ever before.

The days ahead are a bit scary, I'm not sure how everything will play out but I look forward to getting on the road and reaching our first destination.

I guess I've learned that no matter how hopeless and helpless we feel we can rise above, we can decide to take back some sense of control. We can make decisions that restore our personal power. We can take charge of our lives and move forward if we are willing to make the tough choices, and the sacrifices that are sometimes necessary to rise above the circumstances we feel trapped in.

So many people are faced with choices they never thought they would have to face, so many people are having to walk way from the life they have worked so hard to build, so many have to make those sacrifices that will allow them to move forward, and so many people are feeling hopeless and helpless. We are a resilient people. We can rise up from the ashes and reinvent ourselves, rebuild our lives and move forward. We can restructure our lives to be better and stronger than before because in this climate we will be more inclined to build on a more solid foundation than we did before. I know I will.